Mon, 4 July 2016
Independence is a very frightening and often painful venture. Whether you're seeking independence from government, parents, teachers, employer, or even a personal relationship, you're going to confront a lot of fear and most likely experience some pain in the process.
This episode will explore that as well as the beautiful rewards which come from gaining your independence. It's well worth it in spite of the pain because you will come out on the other side a much different and improved person.
Note: I offer a free Twitter Growth Checklist in this episode. You can download that right now at http://TwitterEdge.com
Happy 4th of July America... sorry, if you're listening in the UK.
Mon, 27 June 2016
Discover why it's not what you're going through in life that will define you and your worth to those around you. This can make or break your self-esteem if you don't understand what's most important when it comes to defining yourself.
You're also going to discover why you MUST allow the people you love in life, to experience pain. It's our nature to protect them from it, but when we do, we sabotage them and banish them to a life of perpetual struggle.
Let's connect on Snapchat: @pdesmondadams
Mon, 28 September 2015
Why do we need money? What's it's purpose in our life and how should we view it?
What should be our goal in having or earning money?
Money is just a means to an end, which means the amount of money we need is dependent on what we want to gain with our money. Is it security? Significance? Indulgence?
Can money actually buy us happiness? I think so and I explain why. You'll have to listen, but it's not a simple concept and not as basic as "money buys happiness." Listen.
Money doesn't buy us "stuff," instead it buys us the experiences we hope to gain in having that stuff. Money really does buy us experiences and that's truly where we find satisfaction and happiness. But... that stuff we buy isn't the ONLY way we can experience that same happiness.
Since our happiness comes from our experiences, we change how we view them. When we are intentional about feeling gratitude for the things we experience in life, we find our happiness comes sooner and more often.
The Princeton Study
There is a study which came of Princeton University which indicated most people in America reach a peak level of happiness when they're earning approximately $75,000 per year.
There's nothing magical about that number, but in today's economy, they found this was the amount it took for someone to have all the necessities in life with a little extra for a few of the luxuries we all enjoy.
What's interesting is, the level of happiness seems to plateau at that point. Meaning, if you earn more than $75,000 per year, you don't see your happiness level increase much more.
I dig into this concept much deeper in the episode so make sure you take the time to listen and explore.
How much money is enough? Let's find out...
Sun, 16 August 2015
Call and share your thoughts on this episode:
or visit: http://PDesmondAdams.com/feedback
Here's what I cover in this episode:
Experts calculate that you are lied to about 100 times every single day. Some days it's less, some days it's more, but on average, you're hearing about 100 lies per day.
Maybe that's easy for you to believe because you've been lied to so many times, but the truth is, there's someone in the world right now who is believing a lie because YOU told it to them. In fact, there's someone believing a lie today because I told it to them.
Why does it feel next to impossible to be honest, or have people be honest to us? It seems like we have to have some sort of lie at all times in an effort to protect ourselves or others,
In this episode, we're going to explore the world of lying and what it does to us, the people around us and the relationships we have with the.
Can A Lie Be A Good Thing?
If you immediately react to this question with a resounding "NO" you should really pause and listen to this episode. I give an example where lying is very clearly a good thing. If you don't believe me, you'll have to listen in and hear for yourself.
Mon, 13 July 2015
I’m sure you’ve had one of those situations in your life where there’s something incredibly irritating to you. I have...
A few weeks ago, a friend of mine came to me and said “Man, I think I’m just not going to hang out with them anymore. I’m just going to do everything I can to avoid them."
But is that best?
CAUTION: Listen, what I’m talking about in this episode is an annoying relationship, not a dangerous one. Remember, if you’re in any sort of danger, you must seek safety. Don’t justify endangering yourself or your children in an effort to “fix someone.” Let a professional do that while you’re secluded in safety.
So, assuming we’re talking about a non-threatening situation… let’s continue.
I hear so many people in the personal development world saying “choose who you surround yourself with. You don’t need to be around people who you don’t want to be around."
But… I’m not sure that’s a response driven by love. Well, it’s love, but love of self or selfish interests.
I share this all the time… we will find peace in our lives when we are driven by love.
So how do we LOVE those who annoy us or those we don’t feel compatible with? Maybe even our enemies… What’s it mean to Love our Enemies?
First… Ask yourself if the your negative impression of the other person comes from your own animosity.
Maybe It’s Just You
One way to do this is to ask others in your social circle if they see the same issues with the other person. If they don’t… you probably need to look inward even more than you thought.
We all… in EVERY situation need to look at what we can improve internally… but some of these situations may require even more internal review.
Pushing Those We Don’t Like Away Is the Cause… not the Solution.
One of our deepest core desires is to feel valued and valuable. When someone becomes difficult to deal with it’s often because they don’t feel valued.
When we push them away, we’re only compounding the situation.
Yes, it’s them who caused the issue but
Create a Security and Negativity Disappears.
It’s insecurity that causes people to react in a negative way to others. Insecurity…
Isolation is not a solution to the problem, it’s simply a removal of it.
Avoiding difficult people, even if it’s just for a short time, is really the act of avoiding an opportunity to improve ourselves.
We all want to survive. Attacking those who threaten us is simply a way for us to attempt survival.
We should ask… what is the threat to this person and why?
Avoiding Resistance Perpetuates Weakness
Resistance makes us stronger. Just like in a gym, it’s when you face resistance that your muscles are strengthened.
It’s when we face relationship resistance that our ability to have strong relationships is strengthened.
A LOT of people who suggest avoiding those we don’t like are also people who may have external happiness or external signs of happiness, but if you ask them, they don’t feel that internal… that deep happiness.
Those You Spot VS Those Who Spot For You
We have to realize the people we hang out with aren’t always our support.. sometimes we’re their support.
Know who you’re spotting for and who you need to spot for you.
Listen, if you don’t want to spot for them, why does someone else, stronger than you, want to spot for you. Maybe you’re their annoying person?
When we realize we’re all connected as one, we understand this doesn’t benefit society as a whole. It’s not improving anything.
Our mission is to love… that’s it. Love.
Mon, 29 June 2015
I wish every person I love would listen to what's on this episode. I'm honestly incredibly proud of what is put out on here. In fact, I believe this is one of those moments when I just let the Infinite wisdom of the Universe speak through me.
We only get stronger physically when we engage in physical resistance, like weight training. We purposely cause ourselves to confront and deal with that sort of resistance.
But, why don't we do the same thing emotionally? In fact, emotionally, we oftentimes work tirelessly to avoid the resistance that comes naturally. We hope that we can some day have enough financially to help us avoid the resistance that comes emotionally.
Listen to this episode and share it with everyone you know so they can realize that the pain we're struggling through right now is going to make us strong so the burdens which will come in the future will be much lighter.
The past way for me to make your life better is to help you struggle through the burdens of today.
Mon, 22 June 2015
Follow me for a minute…
Every single person can have someone else look at them and think “Wow, they are messed up."
Do you think, if you followed this along for 10, 20, 100 or 1000 levels or more, you’d eventually get to someone who just has it all figured out and they’re doing fantastic?
Following this path, do you think this is a progression UPWARD in character?
Is this is character pyramid and there’s one person at the very top who has it all figured out and is beyond the judgement of others?
No. you’re right. The person we reach after following this path for 1,000 occurrences probably has 10 people who could look at certain areas of their life and think “Wow, they are messed up."
In fact, here’s what we’d find out.
Some of those people who are looking judgmentally at that 1,000th person were ones someone looked down at 300 people ago, or 250 people ago.
The truth is, it’s all a giant CIRCLE of judgement.
After we’re gone through 1,000 iterations of judgement, we’re guaranteed to have a good number of the people who were judged earlier, back in the judgement game again.
It’s almost like a never ending game of leap frog. Once someone jumps over you, it’s time to get back in line waiting for your next turn to jump over someone else… and then have someone jump over you.
It’s the Judgement Circle, inside of which we all get trapped.
A perpetual game of judgement.
There’s only one escape route… and that’s to refuse to get back in line once someone has jumped over (or judged) you. Just don’t get back in line waiting to jump over (or judge) someone else.
When we jump out of the chain, we set ourselves apart from that game.
BE CAREFUL! - This is a prime place to start judging in another way. “Those fools and all their judgement games.” Ah hah! See, there you area again, back in the game yourself.
We won’t completely eliminate the judgement others have on us, but we will slow it down dramatically.
Continue on this path and I promise, you’ll see an EXPONENTIAL DECREASE in the judgement you experience in your life.
By the very nature of things, you’ll find you change who you spend time with in life and you will decrease the power of those who are still in the chain.
Remember what I always say: Change the world around you by changing the world within you.
It will be like avoid your greatest food temptation. Maybe it’s a the perfect piece of chocolate or a beautiful basket of fried onion rings (I’m more of a crunchy salty person when it comes to temptation).
The less you taste of it, the less your craving for it becomes. The more you see the benefits of avoiding it, the greater your ability to resist it.
Call to Action
Start this with baby steps, as I always say.
Today, when you are tempted to even THINK judgementally towards someone, don’t do it.
Call yourself out and say, even out loud, if you can “I don’t know that persons situation. I don’t know what brought them here. I know they have strengths where I have weaknesses. I will allow them to be them."
Something along those lines to remind yourself, you may be able to jump over them (or judge them) in this area, but further down the chain, in another area, they’re going to be able to jump over you.
Just one time… and then remember it. Tomorrow try to do it two times you’re tempted. Or even today.
Just work at it, consciously avoiding the opportunity to jump into The Judgement Circle.
Oh, yes, you’re right… I mess this up more times than I care to think. But, I consciously work to avoid the circle. That’s what I’m hoping you’ll do as well.
We’re all in this together, all “failures” in some area of life, working towards success in others. Continuously improving and celebrating together.
Sun, 14 June 2015
Drug Addicts Didn’t Wake up and Think I”m going to get hooked on coke today.
It comes in tiny little incremental baby steps.
One line with a friend because it’s going to be a great night out and you haven’t had that in a while.
That leads to two…
Then to buying a bit of your own so you can share next time (nobody likes mooch).
Then just a bit the next morning to help you get started on your day.
… and so the story goes.
These small little baby steps over time will lead to a major change in your life.
There's something similar in the aviation world
I’m a licensed pilot and one of the things we learn as pilots is just about every accident begins with one or more minor shifts outside of the safety area. One extra bag of souvenirs from the trip that put you near the weight limit. Knowing you still have plenty of fuel from the day before so you don’t need to do a visual check. Pushing on to the next airport because there’s a storm coming and you want to beat it.
See, we push ourselves just a tiny bit outside of the complete safety zone. It’s a minor shift...
The Good News
The same works in the opposite direction as well.
Small little baby steps in the right direction, over time, lead to huge positive changes in our life.
Deciding to make one little change in what you eat each day.
Just 150 calories less each day, over time… makes a huge change.
Bringing a healthy lunch to work each day instead of “figuring something out when the time comes."
The same happens with fitness.
It doesn’t take you becoming a gym rat who spends 3 hours a day working out, for you to get fit.
Just a small shift like taking 10,000 steps per day.
Downloading and using daily the 7 Minute Workout App. 7 Minutes! That’s small.
Doing as many push ups as possible each day and then adding 1 more each week. Just 1 more per week.
In a year, you’re doing 52 more push ups than when you started.
The same can be applied to our knowledge.
Reading 15 minutes per day before you go to bed. Just 15 minutes..
In a year, that will be over 90 hours of reading.
If the average person reads 200 words per minute, you’ll have read over a million words.
The typical book is about 60,000 words
That means, in one year, with one minor shift… you’ll have read 18 books. MORE THAN NOW.
The Same Happens in Relationships
Do the same minor incremental change with your loved ones.
Tell you wife something she did that you appreciate just once per day.
See how that change will affect your relationship in a year. Try it.
Spend the time it takes to play for 15 more minutes with your child each day.
What about spending 1 meal per week together with the entire family. No TV… Just one a week.
What about a minor change with what goes into your mind?
Just one less 30 minute TV show each week will give you 26 hours a year to do something beneficial.
What if you invested that into the lives of a local non-profit, as a volunteer?
That’s a small incremental change that is invested in a small way into someone else’s life and look at the potential ripple effect that could have.
SMALL TINY CHANGES… In the right direction, over time, will leave you with a dramatically different life.
Remember that example.. you’re walking in the desert and you decide to shift to the right by just a small amount, 5 degrees… after 12 feet, you’ve shifted about 1 foot off your original path.
After 100 feet, you’ve shifted by almost 9 feet.
After just 1 mile, you’re shifted over about 450 feet from where you would have ended up. In ONE mile..just one.
In 10 miles, you’re almost one mile off from where you started.
What if you compounded this and every mile, you shifted by 5 degrees. Small incremental shifts…
This would lead to exponential change… massive change down the road.
If you’re a math expert, let me know… I don’t want to give you bad data.
Call to Action
Make one minor change today. What is it going to be for you?
Keep it small… but commit to it for a long time. So make sure it’s something you can do for an extended period of time.
Mon, 8 June 2015
I love auto racing. I used to dream of doing some cross-country rally racing back when I was in my early 20’s. I loved the complexity of it. With a rally race, it’s not like other types of auto racing where you’re on a track, you drive fast, turn left, drive fast, turn left, drive fast… and continue like this until you see someone waving that checkered flag.
If you’ve ever seen Cannonball Run, a movie from back in the 80’s, you know what a rally race is like. It’s a real race that happens every year. In Europe there are Rally races through towns and cities all the time.
In a rally race, you drive for days over long distances. You have to know where you’re ultimately going and your checkpoints along the way. I thought this was a great analogy for this episode…
Sometimes Lost is Good
Sometimes feeling lost is great. We must have down time - Sometimes our spirit our soul will force it upon us by causing us to feel “lost” or to remove our drive for a specific destination. Consider this a rest area in life. Don’t set up camp here, but but realize, you need a break from time to time. So, rest.
Sometimes we even need to just go out for a drive without a particular destination. Just go out, start driving and enjoying what’s right in front of us without being worried about where were going, if we’re on the right path to get there, whether we have enough gas, and if we’re making good time or not.
We need the mind clearing drives sometimes.
Why We Sometimes Feel Lost
Usually, at least for me, we feel “lost” because we’ve become distracted.
If you’ve ever been driving somewhere with someone and become so engaged in conversation, you completely miss your exit, you know what this is like.
When this happens, you have to first become aware of the fact that you missed your exit. Awareness of where you are at this moment. Then you have to figure out how to get back on track.
Sometimes you get so far off track, you actually have to pull over and stop while you get your barrings right, pull out a map and rechart your course.
In life, this could mean pulling over for a while… a vacation or just a day when you can get away from all the “traffic” in life… no distractions. You may even just set up an afternoon to go to beach and collect your thoughts, evaluate your destination and reassess the path you’ve chosen to take.
The last thing you should do is to try to keep driving while you pull out the map and figure out where you are and how you need to get back to where you were going. Doing this could cause a lot of issues for you and completely derail your journey.
Take the time to STOP… clear your mind.. and get back on track. STOP… that’s important.
Using a Navigator
Continuing with the “driving” analogy, you may want to consider bringing a navigator with you. Someone who will keep track of where you’re going at all times and alert you BEFORE you get off track.
A couple of ways you can do this is through a coach, accountability partner or even a mastermind group.
This is the purpose of these people in our lives. But, you have to make sure they know where you want to go and they know your plan on how to get there. We also have to make sure we give them the authority in our lives to give us direction. You can NOT argue with them and challenge everything they tell you.
In cross-country rally car races, there’s a driver and a navigator. The driver drives… watching what is right in front of them and making sure they don’t crash. The navigator looks further ahead to see if there are any detours on the horizon and get the driver ready to react to them.
Listen, if you’re just cruising along in life, you’re not racing towards a goal, you don’t need a navigator, but if you want to accomplish something amazing, you’re going to need to really stay focused on what you do well… driving the car.
At Least Use a Map or GPS
I understand if you’re “car” isn’t big enough to accommodate a navigator at this point. At the very least, use the tools which will let you know if you’re on track and where you need to go if you do get lost.
Your long and short term goals will do this for you.
Your long term goal is like the finish line in this rally race. It doesn’t mean this is the only race you’re run in your lifetime, but it’s the one you’re in right now.
Your short-term goals are where you need to go to get to the next gas station, or next check-point. Rally races usually last several days. This means you check in each night, the timer stops and you refuel, rest and recharge your body. You also make sure your map is still accurate.
Call to Action
Grab your map… designate a navigator (maybe you can navigate for them if they’ll navigate for you).
Know where you are today and where you need to be tonight, if you’re going to make it to the finish line in a few days/weeks/months or years.
If you’re lost now… PULL OVER AND STOP. Get your earrings together.
Do this today. Don’t wait… don’t keep driving aimlessly as you fiddle with your map and try to get re-reouted.
Tue, 2 June 2015
We all have regrets.
I believe we have more regrets as we get older, not just because we’ve experienced more in life and obviously we regret a certain number of those experiences, but also because we gain wisdom from our past regrets. This wisdom helps us better identify previous mistakes or regrets, and hopefully some potential future ones as well, keeping us from actually experiencing those.
We may have the same experiences in our memory, but now we’re wise enough to regret them.
There also may be repercussions as we get older that weren’t as obvious earlier in life.
Our children are a great example of this one. Over or under disciplining our children may not seem like an issue at the time, but the outcome in their lives will show up when they’re in their 20’s and, because you wanted to be the ‘cool dad, you didn’t teach them self-discipline.
Financial decisions may be another one that doesn’t really show up in a big way until you’re in your late 40’s and realize you really SHOULD have put something into your retirement account when that financial adviser told you.
So really, regrets are an indication of wisdom. Whether we’ve already had that wisdom and ignored it, or we developed the wisdom and now wish we had done something different.
Healthy Attitude tip 1:
Be grateful for your awareness of regrets. You’ve grown.
Imagine if you had done the same things, taken the same actions and ended up with the same results, but you had no regrets about it.
I think the “No Regrets” mantra is one born out of ignorance and sometimes even stubbornness.
We don’t want to ever admit we did something wrong, so we champion this “no regrets” thing.
There are websites devoted to tattoos that were meant to say “no regrets” but, ironically, they were misspelled. There’s even one featured in the movie “We’re The Millers” where the daughter introduces her new boyfriend who sports a tattoo on this chest that says “No Ragrets.”
Regret actions… but don’t let regret become part of your identity.
Analyse your regrets so you can clearly define where you took a bad turn. If you don’t know what you did that lead to your regrets, you won’t know what to avoid in the future. You may find yourself riddled with extreme caution and taking no action rather than taking well thought out and wise action.
I regret riding my bike down a giant dirt hill when I was 5 or 6 years old because it left me with a broken arm.
Healthy Attitude Tip 2:
Clearly chart the path to your past regrets. Don’t generalize.
You probably realize, your’e not the only one with regrets. We’ve all had them. But, we assume our regrets are worse or more consequential in life. But they're usually not. This is the downfall of today’s communities. We spend time with the fake families on TV and the filtered friends in social media, instead of gathering in our neighborhoods with other real people who can openly share of their mistakes.
One thing I don’t regret is being part of a faith community that didn’t gather every Sunday to hear one professional member of the community give a very entertaining prepared speech or sermon. In our community, we all gathered to talk about life, share food and enjoy some adult beverages. Conversations ranged from politics, careers, family, hobbies, and everything else. We all learned from each other’s REAL LIFE experiences.
They say there’s only one thing better than learning from your mistakes, that’s learning from someone else’s mistakes. The same lesson without the same pain. Seek the advice of those who are older and have wisdom. We’ve already said we can learn from regrets and we tend to have more (or be aware of more) of them when we get older.
So ask some people older than you, “What do you regret?”
What do you regret?
I would love to knwo what regrets you may have in life and what you've learned from them. Would you Tweet it to me @PDesmondAdams and use the hashtage #successforfailures if you want to be able to track others who comment.